GOSH. I AM SO ANGRY.

Why does it have to be this way? or better still, why should i have come to damai and meet some bitches and fuckers?

yes, like i said, i am angry. and I MEAN IT. my grades are falling. everyone are rushing studying to get good marks. while ME? i am just a failure. This term is really a bad term for me. gosh NURUL! Will you just wake up wake up wake up and start to buck up?

k wait. my younger brother just called my mum from his school P4 camp. what my mum said was " hello....... yes...... FEVER? =o ..... OHHHH.... okayokay... hello irfan... tomorrow... going home... fetch you... sleep well... pray hard... i miss you..." YUP. something like that. but he's not sick actually. he just misses my mum too much and he sort of cried during their campfire. awww. and i kind of cried too. i guess i miss him too, huh? don't worry irfan. you'll be back home soon alright? and i'll be ready at the doorway to give you a welcome-back-hug!

another thing.
i hate her! what is her fucking problem? if she don't like me then just say it la. oh she thinks i misunderstood her, huh? or was it you? you said i always think that you're fooling around and blablabla and then i have never tried to understand you? BULLSHARKS. HOW CAN I EVEN UNDERSTAND YOU if you have never be truthful and responsible and just tell me that you're sick and you need to do those stuffs and everything? HUH? OH RIGHT. i have never understood you. yes i hate you. first, you steal my best friend. next, you say i was never UNDERSTANDING to you and how about next you say you hate me and i am your worst friend ever? Wouldn't that be great? Wouldn't that just end this whole conflict and end our friendship? I'd tell you i'd be A LOT happier, not worrying anymore about this whole CRAP.
and Aisya, i don't think our friendship's gonna be as strong as in those days when we were in primary school. i don't think i can continue being your bestfriend. i think that i am never a good bestfriend to you. you know what, i will suffer for the rest of my life if i become your bestfriend. because honestly, i still loathed her and i always see you with her and i just can't seem to control this jealousy. she is always with you and i can't keep up. let's just be friends okay. don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I'll be the Nurul you used to know. and you've got Zakiah, Aliah, Faizah and Dhaniah and everyone in this world to stand by your side. and then i won't be jealous anymore. it's the only choice i've got. if you're happy with them, then I am happy.

i hate myself.
why am i so timid and not brave to face and accept these obstacles? i just wish that someday i would break out and stand out. i wish someday people would know that i exist in this world and that i am not that quiet girl they used to refer to me as. oh reallyyy! I WANNA STAND OUT. and tell everyone that I AM NOT TIMID. I am brave and i'll always be. yes, i can handle this whole break-up-friendship thing and the peer pressure. i can handle the fact that people's been talking about me and hating me, saying i abused my ___ post and i act BIG. OH YOU KNOW I CAN HANDLE ALL THIS BY MYSELF. and of course i am big and all grown up. and i can think wisely of myself. so don't worry and DON'T pity me because it would be as worst.

i am okay. btw, happy teacher's day!

Loves,
Nurul.