i am pissed off by everything around me.
i hate her. and i never ever want to see her face again.


why is she doing this anyway? she's indirectly blaming me like I have time to entertain those kind of nonsense. she didn't come for band and she dare say we "left" her out. WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM LA? in the first place, why you never came for band? why you never came back for sectionals? it is YOU who don't ever want to put in an effort to come. and later on you lose your self-esteem and then later you lost track of band practices and I AND AMANDA have to rearrange every part which is very frustrating. why are you treating us like crap? as if we were never friends or bandmates? oh and just to let you know, amanda should have sms-ed you about coming back for sectionals and help to pack scores but WHAT DID YOU DO? OHHH, FARIHA FOUND YOU WALKING IN TAMPINES MALL WITH SOME FUCKING FRIENDS. IT'S LIKE YOU WERE OUT THERE ENJOYING YOURSELF AND HERE I AM IN BANDSTORE STRUGGLING LIKE A MAAAAAAAAD PERSON PACKING THOSE BIG PILE OF SCORES. and today you were present in school and you looked fine. but you didn't come for band. you know, you are being like a JERK. no, WORST THAN JERK. zoey and I have always thought you were sick all along but no. we tried to understand you but you've never tried to understand us. you didn't come when we needed you. i guess if this still continues, i'll regard you as a no-longer-a-percussionist-in-damai-band. and i am serious about this. i should have known from the start. i guess i misunderstood you A LOT. i think i am better off not being your friend anymore.

i am reallyyy very tired. i had enough of everything.

today's band was the worst. i didn't expect it to be like that.
so what if I am fat? from what i know, i only weigh around 45kg. you consider that fat? okaaay whatever you say. and my juniors are veryy irritating. i know that most say i have the cutest juniors alive here in band. but at times like now, i really cannot take it. they promised me something but they broke it. i thought they could be trusted but i guess not. i really do have high expectations for them but they abused it. M y juniors used to be my slice of cake, the ones who would neveeeer fail to cheer up my day. because of them, band practice don't look so boring. but now, they're some sort of crap. not all of them but some. i don't want to mention who because i dont have the heart to do that. i still love my juniors. and when in music room, i had stomachache. bear with it for the rest of the practice but then later, got headache. I cannot take it already but what to do? if i go and rest, who would replace me? NO ONE. furthermore, i was standing at the front with my glockenspiel. and then _____ say I FAT la just because that word exist in my name. eh please la, i don't like people to play with my name. It's like you are not giving respect to my parents who gave that name for me. no, i am not weak. i can stay strong. i'll try improve myself and soon, you'll finally realise that I can act like professional percussionist, what more a band member. i may not be the best that I can be but i'll change my word. so after band, had to punishment; run 3 rounds round the school field. i tried to run but my senior say i shouldn't. that time i really cannot think already. the headache was reallyyyy painful. it felt as though it was gonna burst. so i sat down at the fitness corner. got excused by hui ping. then suddenly out of the blues, i cried. i cried because i am not feeling well and i just want to run off and go home. i cried because i can't take these nonsense anymore. nonsense made by my juniors. and thanks to keith for your understanding and your tissue paper. :) they promised me something very important but they broke it. i though they could be trusted but they abused it. how i wish wajihah was here so that I can explain everything i feel now.

expressing my feelings here is not enough. i want at least SOMEONE OR ANYONE to hear me out so that i know there are people reading my blog because if not, i shall delete this blog.

i sort of indirectly scolded them. they want to ignore me? can. they want to hate me? also can. but the one thing that they owe me is an apology. ya, i know. i am cruel and wicked and acts like a bustard. i am a BAAAD ASL and i knoww that. you know, ______ right. i am weak.

i cant take this anymore.
WAJIHAH HELP MEEEE

loves,
Nurul.