oh gosh i am such a silly person! and dumb too.

why do i have to act soooo dumb in front of the whole ____? why do i always have to give some stupid answers? i hate me.

today's band was i dont know. and i feel like i dont know. and i acted so dumb because i dont know. and i feel like killing myself because i dont know. yeap. EVERYTHING is I DONT KNOW. i dont know how to describe it because it's simply undescribable! i feel miserable now. i don't think i am fit to become a leader. just like what ___ said, "fatin! why you so quiet? see la. how to lead your ___ in the future?" yeah okay. i am quiet. so what? i'm fine. very fine about that. but i am sick of people calling me a quiet girl. oh great! just call me whatever you want. i'm fine. no need to ask because i am veryyyy finee.

i feel like i don't exist in this world. and i don't belong to these people. because somehow, people treat me like i'm invisible. like when you accidentally hit me or something and you just walk away. that was rude i must say. although i am angry, im just being patient since it's the fasting month. you could at least say sorry or something and i'm okay with it. but the thing without the apologizing part, that is not okay. you have a mouth right? God gave you mouth for what purpose? to talk right. EXACTLY. is saying sorry too much to ask for? i guess it is for you, huh.

maybe i don't belong here anyways. people will just treat me as "Fatin the genius but arrogant" thing. you may think i am clever but do you have any idea how many of them out there who scored MUCH MUCH better than me? like in cedar girls or raffles and those independent school? try compare me to them. .... yeap. i am the bottom of them all. and it's fine okay. i admit i am arrogant but so what?was it really me being arrogant and all smarty or, was it just you making this whole crap out of nowhere because you hate me for no reason or something? i try so hard to be friendly and mix around with everyone but i guess there's no way i can ever fit in. because they're all so normal people and i am all so smarty and extra and abnormal i suppose.

and sorry if my posts are too long.
i know its all crap.
and you dont even bother to read it.
well thanks for hopping by and not reading my posts.
very much appreciated!

Loves,
Stargirl