this year has been an awful and dreadful year for me.

i've wasted my tears for some reasons. i cried because of my family, my friends and especially me. i guess i am the worst human being here. i didn't realise i was such a bad person. i changed to a whole lot different person. maybe my friends hadn't realise though because i am a coward. i always keep things to myself. i always hide behind my smile. and i guess i lied to them. oh just see how awful i am ?

i disappointed my mom. thought i could change for the better but im still back to square one. i dont know why. im stupid dont you think ?

i think im keeping my anger towards 'them' to myself all the time. it's been boiling inside me like mad but it never had the chance to explode just for once. i guess i'm too kind to let it go. just too kind till it made a negative impact on me. till it made me turn into a another different person. actually, i don't even know who i am anymore.

and i crave to see him smiling at me everyday. oh that's just a FAT CHANCE. i dont think he will. i dont think he will ever smile at me. oh, he will only know me as the girl who plays the xylophone in band. fat hope la nurul. why bother doing this? well the answer is simple, I CAN'T GET RID OF HIM OUT OF MY HEAD. i had weird dreams about me and him but those are just simply fairytales which will never come to life. i like him just every bit as i like eating my chocolates.

if only someone care to comfort me and help me end all this miserable things coming my way.
yet again, fat hope.

and if only i was someone like Melinda, who had a bestfriend who in the end became her boyfriend and care for her every bit as he cares towards his family once he knew that Melinda had cancer.

but of course i am not sick like her. i just want someone like her boyfriend to fly into my life like a butterfly and enchant me forever.

i am talking crap. i won't blame you if you hate this post.
actually, i think NO ONE cares to read my blog and that's for sure.

i wish i had a rose for me from that special person.