hello.
im enjoying today's holiday with boredom and dispondent.

ive something to tell you.
abt my dream....
it was unforgettable.
i dreamt abt him.
but i knew i wont be able to belong to him.
bcos i know he love someone else.

i didnt do my 2.4km on wed.
i was simply sick. like ive said.
and pity dhaniah, she has to be excused for napfa test for a year.
bcos shes asthmatic.
and zuh didnt came to school.expected she wont as the day before she'd told me maybe she wont go to school as shes having a fever.

and MYE is coming soon!
how fast could it be?
im stressed out.
i shudnt have put band as my cca choice.
band is driving me crazy.
and im tired of learning the snaredrum.
bcos it has also been driving me crazy.
and band is boring.

if i cant take it anymore. im gonna quit.
seriously.

im not good in time management.
and i dont have any study plans.
science practical exam is next week.
oral is in a few weeks' time.
WTH.

and i cant bear to get sick again.
i dont wanna miss my lessons
becos i think time is precious.
which means to me, im wasting my time if i were to be sick.
i wanna learn and get good results.
i wanna make myself happy and my family proud of me.
i wanna make my tutor too proud of me.
and if anyone is jealous of me, go ahead.
heck care. it doesnt bother me.
friends or enemies? it doesnt matter.
what matter is i have my family standing by my side throughout my life till death do us apart.
ive gotten through many broken friendships.
and it hurts me badly. it made me not focusing on my studies. and not getting results which ive never expected.

ive already had 2 years of it. and im sick of it.
it pushes me down.
and one of the untolerable years was in 2004.
i seriously had no friends and i had to stand by myself.
i had no one to talk to which made me weeped sometimes.
i even cried once or twice in class and that is bcos of someone who loathes me so much.
but all the tears ive had wasted was being wiped out by happiness, brought by my best frends, guan wen, marcia and randall. they're the only ones i could talk to. they're my buddies.
and i cant forget all those happiness they've given me to lighten me up.
they knew when and why i was so solemnly dispondent. they knew me too well that i just dont know how to repay them, back. they've shared with me jokes and i swear i wouldnt forget it.
they'd promised me they wont make friends to the ones who hated me.
they were so brave to tell them what i want to tell them but i cant.and they can.
im so lucky to have them as my friends.
they're the friends who are loyal and can be trusted through good times or bad times.
thank you the 3 of you.

and to aisya, thank you for believing in me.
thank you for ALL u've done for me.

but now, friends dont matter at all.
but in correction, true friends is what matter to me.

yes i wont. i wont let it happen to me again
for im so fck-ing sickening sick of it.
i dont want to waste much tears anymore.
bcos it doesnt bring any luck.

-my loveheart
nurul