heylo ppl!

bad luck arrived.
hurt my finger.
*ouch*

went to cycle to Tampines stadium with my family.
and something unexpected happened.
i met with syafiq khan-my former bwps schoolmate.
i didnt notice until he noticed me saying, "eh FATIN! dahh lamer tk jumper. sombong sey org tu tk ckp hi..."
i thought he was someone else as i didnt wore my spectacles.
then i said hi and he replied, "alahh. hi ajer!??"

ignored him for the sake of reducing my blushing face!
stupid face.
yeah. i was blushing. he was with one of his friend thought i dont really recognise who was he.
as usual. luck was on my side as my sister was riding behind me.=)
in the stadium, i watched my younger sister and brother running. well, training i should say.
no ppl. i dont train myself. for it wasnt me who's going to run for Sports Day-20th March.
after a few minutes later, i saw that 4 black familiar figures.
oh what the shiits! they were there walking in the stadium. i was seating at the top mind you.
ignored them. still blushing.

then we went home. and they were ALSO there behind us walking with a net of balls in their hands. still blushing ppl!grr..
when i walked out of the stadium, i wanted to ride my bike, but i changed my mind. decision failed. surprised to know that there were MORE OF THEM seating outside the stadium.
just HOW can i ride in front of them when syafiq, my former schoolmate was right there staring at me??? stupid. stupid. stupid.

now i dont seem to feel the enjoyment to the holidays.
i mean it doesnt mean a holiday to me.
for i was pulled back by the school to do stuffs.
stuffs like band and my ACHIEVERS meeting.

the usual routines is still occuring.
writing in my diary of how life sucks.
now then i understand the meaning of life.
i always make mistakes. and the key is to learn from it.

why am i the victim, dear God?
ive liked him secretly. and no one knows it all.
why cant I shine to show who I really am?
why does freedom belongs to that girl?
what's the different in me that he sees?
why cant it belong to me?
and i can see that she likes him. i can see it in my heart.
my butterflies are telling me now.
CANT HE BE MINE SOMEDAY?

i had enough of this. oh crap!
am i a devil to you? i want you.
WHY PEOPLE ONLY SEE ME BUT NOT MY OH SO REVOLUTION?
why my fear defines my world.
and the black shadow keeps darkening my life.
will he ever see the real ME?

-my loveheart
nurul