Lately i've been thinking,
About the things that we've been through.
And i dont know if i'd been here,
if not for you.

I had to take a little time,
TO try to work things out.
And you should know that,
i never meant to let you down

Cause I,
I, wanna tell you that i'm sorry
And I,
I, Even when I'm not giving enough,
and I'm taking too much
You're still there for me.
Even when i got nothing at all,
And I'm ready to fall
You're still there for me...

Sometimes I know I can be
so hard to understand
Even when I'm lost
you show me who I really am
Life with me hasn't always been an easy ride
But because of you I've learned
to lose my selfish pride

I felt the same way.
yes, the same feeling inside me just trying to find a way to come out.
the day you went out with dhaniah, faizah and yilin, that jealousy feeling surrounded me.
and when dhaniah told me about it, i just act so normal. i didn't even release any anger or show signs like, "hey! you went out with her-my own BESTFRIEND."

and yeah, i was JEALOUS in so many ways.
you were so closed to arasha, zakiah and mostly faizah.
though you were wrong about me and syahadah. no, we weren't close.
we're JUST friends. and i did told you about how i hated her attitude, right?
oh, dont get things wrong. and Aliah, we were not even as close as how she IS CLOSE with Anita. Not to offend her but i didnt even consider her or put her at the To-be-bestfriends list. i dont even spare a thought on that.

and about me going out with others?
when? just so you know, this June holiday, i did not even went out with any of my friends even dhaniah. you know me dont you? you know the reasons why i cant go out with friends sometimes. and this holidays, i felt like a prisoner. being locked up. oh, what to do? you know my parents. they're just like that.

and aisya, i really wanted to sms you.
but the time when i sms-ed you and i dont even get a reply, you told me in msn that you're just lazy to reply back. and at the same time, i thought wildly, that you're really mad at me. for all this time, i was just so frightened to approach you, knowing you were so mad at me. i know you're upset that im not there for you in bad times. but how could i? you were always with faizah.

but no, i dont have much more "fun" stuffs to do.
just to inform you, those stuffs are like now my friends.
those stuffs are just my HOMEWORKS, PROJECTS, SCHOOL.
dont you think those are "fun"?

band practice is like a my daily work-out.
at times, i blame this whole band thing that caused our friendship to be drifting apart and your netball too. but i couldnt blame my cca, because it is JUST my CCA and i just have to accomplish my missions by attending those practices.

and dont you think i'd just sent you a I-Miss-You comment recently?
before that, i thought twice of giving you. because i was so AFRAID you wouldnt bother me and still be mad at me.

and yes, i CAN spare time for you.
but there's just 2 important things that always clash together and go *boom*!, im lost.
i had my own problems in my house and when i always wanted to ask you, "are you okay?" there goes, "faizah confronted me and i'm really glad about it". this whole thing inside me just felt like bursting out!. but i controlled it and do nothing about it. i told myself, i wont release any form anger to aisya just because im jealous. because i know i hurt you once and i wouldn't want myself to let it happen again. not EVER. and i assure you that would be the first and last time i hurt you.

and once, i told dhaniah about me and you.
i was on the verge of crying but i'd try not to let it go.

well, so yeah. i did it dhaniah. you were right, i should tell aisya everything.
i should let her know this because i still consider her as my first bestfriend.

btw,

THERE WERE NO BESTFRIENDS AFTER YOU, AISYA.
I DID NOT CONSIDER ANYONE AS MY BESTFRIEND EXCEPT YOU.

yeah, no bestfriends after her.
that's about it.

so sad and upset,
nurul.<3