why must it be a STUPID result???

my result will not going to bring me as far as how ive longed for in my life.

the top 3 are as expected, shazwani, sabrina and yuk hei.

yesterday, went to school to collect my result. was so nervous AT THE BUS going to my school. my heart beat so fast and i could hear it.

in school, most of the students had arrived. i was one of the last ppl to get there. took my result in my class. was so nervous.

it goes like this,..

"Fatin...", called my form teacher.

walked to her. she handed the result slip to me.

go to her desk to sign my name. looked at my result. scanned through to find my score.

and there it was. i shall not reveal my score here. not to anyone. sorry. i'll feel ashamed abt my result..

saw it. and cried. cried not bcos of tears of joy. but of disappointed. i was so upset.
i cried. and luckily, i was not seen by my friends. my eyes were red.

ive disappointed my mum, dad including my siblings.

all my choices of schools b4 i got my results were OUT.

so damai shall be my 1st choice. no matter what happens, i shan't be convinced by the em3 peeps.

i shall work hard to have a brighter future ahead. to get GOOD results for my O levels. and go to poly.

im so upset. went home. and both my parents were kindof arguing to each other.

and its all BECAUSE OF ME. WHY. WHY. WHY MUST I BE THE ONE TO MAKE THEM UNHAPPY/?????. i shudnt have born to this world.

shud have been an animal for better.

when they were arguing, i was in my room. and at first, i tried to not cry. but i fail to succeed.

emotions welled up within me. i really struggled to fight back my tears but just couldnt. i was crying, weeping, wetting my cheeks....................

thinking to myself, questioning to myself......

shall not dwell on that...